Kak dela?

Vse v jopu... Zatrahali! hochu kurit' do poteri soznaniya, i vipit' do poteri pul'sa... a tak dela u menia - luchshe vseh!

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bruises

Life gives me way too many bruises, thank god, not a lot of people can see those covering my mind... Irish Cream is a shittious garbage, and so are Irish, at least the ones I do know...

Other than that...

I love you guys...

FUCK THE WORLD!

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pain

I am hurt, but i do not feel the pain. It must be emotional monogram playing it's track in my story. Must be the end, i want to think, yet it's too far away too touch. It's not the rain, it's everything i have to say, but the thunder is too loud for anyone to hear me. I am flawed... I am flawed... I... am... flawed...

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all the talents shall go to hell

I do not have a talent.
I suck at life. Great, can I get an Oscar now?

@темы: Позитив

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Do you see, what I've done, I'm making such a fool of myself

Keep smiling, because nothing really matters. Keep smiling because there is nothing left to do, nothing left to say. Screams of you drowning would not be heard, as they are irrelevant. Water is salty, and glass is full. I need to get out, but snapping out of it doesn't seem to be an option in this forgotten by god and devil city. I seem to be falling and falling, and unlike Alice in wonderland i will never reach the bottom, not soon, I won't let myself. My mask is still on, and it is burning me from the inside. I am a clown in a circus of irony, misery, and depression. A marionette of a skilled puppeteer. A mannequin locked behind a crystal clear shell, dressed and fed, but left alone.

SAVE ME...

@темы: Чувства

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zvonki

I vot ya zvoniu, jdu otvetov, mnogo voprosov kotorie nel'zia sprashivat.
I vot ti zvonish' - i nichego
a potom SMSki, zarodishi vospominanii, zadushenie troinim obvitiem pupovini vokrug shei. Slova kak-to poterialis', kuda-to ushli... teper' vse stalo skuchno, sero, oblachno. A dojdia tak i net, i ne budet. Vse slishkom solnechno i veselo. Univer neset svoi podarki razmerom v 20 sochinanii, i 15 testov - knigi letiat iz ugla v ugol, kajdii den'. Ya zabil chto eto takoe jit' i ne hochu vspominat', ved' eto tak priyatno vertetsia v etom unitaze mechti...

My lovers:
a) Texas - mulato
b) Saloon - filipino
c) College - black
d) all of the above
e) none of the above

- correct answer is d)... and i still can't choose what do i want. A good haircut, a good conversation, or hours in bed with cigarettes, or without those.

<3 KO

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chto proizoshlo vchera

Pianii v dranih djinsah stoyal s baklajanom posredi komnati, ostal'nie begali vokrug kak v toi igre v kotoruyu igrayut v detstve pitayas' shvatit' bklajan kogda muzika ostanovitsia. Glavnaya ideya igri - baklajan nahoditsia v tom meste gde obichno, nu vi poniali. Mejdu nog, esli govorit' s kakim libo ostatkom maner. Dalee - drugie igri, stol' je zamechatel'nie i pachka cigarett. Transvistit otkuda to poyavilsia. Mnogo vlojil mal'chik v etu operaciyu, vot tol'ko na lico deneg ne hvatilo. nu da ladno, bilo veselo, mnogo narodu i prizi i podarki, vot tol'ko odno razocharovanie, nado bilo zalest' v tot mercedes i prodoljat' guliat', ili mojet bit' prostnutsia v drugom meste, no uvi ya ne hochu vstavat' voprosom mejdu dvumia otnoshayushimisia lud'mi, ya ved' ne chashka coffee s dvumia trubochkami?! A Jal'.

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a znayesh'?

A znayesh'? ya ved' projil eshe odin god. I on okazalsia kak i drugie, proshedshie, no v to je vremia kakoi-to drugoi. Grustnii i veselii.
A znayesh', ya provel etot god v kofeine, nadeyas' chto-to izmenitsia.
A znayesh'? nichego ne izmenitsia, esli sam ne poidesh' i otpizdish' etu uebishnuyu jizn'.
A znayesh'? Ya do sih por ishu chto-to. Ya ne chuvstvuyu eto, kak kogda to davno. Ya ne chuvstvuyu chto tam est' chto-to chto ya ishu!

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o lubvi

nu vot ya opiat' vstral... nado zabivat' no ne mogu. hochu otpustit' no ne poluchayetsia. vse eti foto - k chertu, podal'she iz moey golovi...
secret: u menia seichas est' kto-to. Ne lublu. Ne hochu lubit'. ne ee vo vsiakom sluchaye... nado rasskazat'. eh

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I wish god had a hot line

Wouldn't it be just so nice if angel would pick up, and say: everything will be okay, child. But unfortunately it's not happening...
I'm stressed out with finals and frustrated with some other issues.
It's not fun anymore to sleep and date different people at once, Especially when you like none of those.

Just a random though: Run away before you have a chance to do so.

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YA

SLOMALSIA....

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my slutty life

I write a novel right now... a new one... the old one has disappeared somewhere between my collection of underwear and that awesome jacket in my closet... So now i started, and i'm sorry for being arrogant, but i think it's gonna be a blast. if i will not lose this one somewhere between my sheets i hope you will buy it and read it... would you, please???? in other words, i think i will be able to publish it as soon as possible, of course after i write it... i'm kinda stressed, but i'm still trying to deal with it...

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someone broke into my car

damage: 2 rear windows and a bunch of trash
Disappeared: laptop... GPS... cK cologne.... chanel sunglasses... other sunglasses... D&G eye glasses... car manual??? a notebook.... backpack with all the notes from school....
Financial damage... estimated to be approximately 4000$..

Pizdec ne povezlo, a glavnoe v prazdnechnii den'!!
grrrr....

nu da ladno, teper' o drugom: ya vstrechayus' s tremia v odno i toje vremia... chuvstvuyu sebia kak mal'chik-shluha...

<3 KO

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the lily

Lily means innocence when it's white, it also means death. french lily means royal blood. A black one can be erotic. if the petals are opened - it welcomes you. If the sticks are all out, they simbolize penises and sex.

Now i have one on my body. And it's a symbol of me.

PS: BY_HEAVEN - welcome to my place!

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listen

I say same things over and over again,
Hello?
the ocean of metropoliten is filled with drops that never connect.
Can I have some water?
The fire is not ready so you have to wait for your pizza.
Are you alright?
Where is the bathroom?!
We are going crazy...
Don't talk to me.
What is your name?
By the way where is that street?

isolation?!

Answer: CAN YOU JUST FUCKING LISTEN?!


PS: Don't give hope... it's just another empty promise that you didn't make.

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suicide note

I don't see the light - it's gone. I don't see the hope anymore. Just empty promises and dead faces. Even love has gone empty with the ashy ashtrey. I'm going to commit a suicide CHANGE.

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interesting

Today i got a call, and this call changed my mode from sophisticated asshole to a furious one. I'm confused, and i try to send away the thoughts... but they keep catching up with me. Who are they? who are they???

you see if i see her, then i will end up in his hands again. It didn't happen for a long time.
I don't want him.
I don't need him.

but it happens.
please don't tell me about him.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to think and talk.

I don't want to hear my the noise of my name sometime.
And i'm 20.
I wish to have 20 more years without him.

i need someone around right now, but i can't share.
I got stuck in my own fucking despair.
I need to deal with it.
I need to deal with him...
I need to deal...

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da........... lubov' govoriat

a ya govoru: da nu ee v jopu

no na samom dele tak bivayet, tebe ona nujna sil'no i maen'kie slova privrashiautsia libo v nejnost' libo v yarost'. Ya libo tayu, libo siju v uglu i slushayu muziku v kotoroi melodii bol'she net. Ili uedu kuda nibud' daleko, gde nikogo net, prosto chtobi vipustit' eti gnilie kriki dushi i serdca ili to chto ot nih ostalos'. Ya ey ne nujen, ona ispol'zuyet menia dlia vnimaniya i eto ne chestno - daje gnustno. Da ona krasiva, da ona umna inogda, no inogda za yazikom nado sledit' bliat'... eto uje ne vajno, eto zakoncheno, nadeus'.

ya snova upal navernoe slomal ostatki togo chto eshe moglo lubit', i vrachi zdes' ne pomogut i te pesni kotorie ti mne pela toje ne pomogut... net nikogo kto mojet seichas vosstanovit' moi chuvstva... ostalsia lish' holodnii i golodnii mozg. ostalis' lish' misli i vospominaniya i jizn'... spasibo hot' na tom... ostavila mne bliat'...

a ved' skoro mne budet 20. tebe-to 24... i ti pizdec bivayesh' tupoi ne po vozrastu. zachem eto nujno bilo... pochemu etoi tropinkoi nado idti? ili tebe nravitsia kogda vse cherez jopu. mojet bit' tebe dostavliayet udovol'stvie smotret' kak ya stradayu ili borius' s bol'yu... mojet bit' ti dumayesh' chto ya stanovlus' krasivee kogda ya zol. zachem tebe eto nado, neujeli vse tol'ko radi holodnogo odnoobraznogo sexa? neujeli net bol'she nichego. neujeli eto vse chto tebe nujno ot menia? ti hoches' Gucci watch i Dior Purse. prosti ya ne budu tebe etogo pokupat'.

ti mne slishkom sil'no nravish'sia, no ya umeyu otpuskat'. ya umeyu raskrivat' pomiatie kril'ya snova i snova... i ya uje privik lichit' sebia snova i snova. bliat'... eto konec... eto zakoncheno... eshe odno perejivanie v jizni, eshe odin moment - budut i drugie

<3 KO

@настроение: pizdec zatrahannoe

@темы: emotional breakdown

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pizdec

da.... zatrahalsia brosat' kurit'... nikotin gde ti?
<3 KO