Today, my mother told me that i become alike my father... i didn't ever know him... but she says that i have his look, and his eyes at the times... that i have his smile once in a while... genes i understand... but it can't be this similar... i like the same things, we even have same kind of dog, who actually listens just to us... I'm afraid to become like him... maybe he wasn't ready for me... so he left us... maybe he just was other person... i don't know... all they ever said to me is that he was a bastard... or asshole... i don't know how he was, but i wan to be different... i even gave up one hobby to be different... and i still want to be different... but getting a plastic surgery wouldn't change anything... it won't make me different... it's the same as if i was running from myself... and lieing... i don't know what to do... I'll think of it later... but for now i have to be strong...
maybe he was trying to get back with me... or maybe he was watching me playing in the yard everyday... but couldn't come to me... maybe he was watching me grow... or maybe he was just thinking about me all the time... or he found himself a new wife... and he has kids, my brothers and sisters, i'll never meet them... but what i'm afraid the most: i don't want to be like him, i don't want people to say about me same things they say about him... i don't want to be a Bastard... i want to be who i am... i don't want to meet him though... many people would... but i don't...
because i just don't know what would i say... what would he say... what would the silence mean... would it mean: i'm sorry... or would it mean nothing... i don't know how will i look in his eyes... maybe he's dead... and i've never seen him... or i did, but i don't even remember him... i know it's hard to know both parents when they are divorced... thanks mom, for keeping me away from him... thanks a lot... but yeah... i just don't know... just don't know what to say...
I don't want to be like him...
<3 Ko
PS: the bird got into a house today... i wasn't here... but when i got back... i saw it... it was suffering in the walls... it needed air, freedom... it was hitting the window so many times... but couldn't get through... and it's breathing was so hard... so hard... i took it and threw into a window so it could fly... and it flew away towards the sun... enjoying the freedom... i looked into its eyes before i took it into my hands, it was hard for it to trust me... but it did... i hope it did... heh...