Few days ago I've received some sad news... so was listening mostly to screamo, and was wearing everything black... needed someone to be there for me and there was no one... I'm freaking out... i think just about the worst that can happen... i don't want to... it's unfair... i guess... i feel emo in general, and hope every day, try not to lose faith... thought of suicide... blood razors... it's a way too... but maybe not for me now, later? Close friends really help... but it is still hard...
Went to school today and was wearing the hood for the first few periods, hiding my head, maybe that's why emo sounds like and ostrich... don't know how to spell this one... so i was all depressed and almost crying... then i've decided to look around, and took off the hood... wow, there was the world there, and all those people, they hide feelings inside of them, under the masks... they act like jocks, and try to be mean... theay are all proud of who they are... all confident... but what inside: they are just like other people, they are not better... or the nerds, who study a lot, and reads subject textbooks until 2 in the morning? but deep inside there are feelings... real emotions... why do we hide them? seems weird...
I took off the hood and started to be normal... hoping for the best inside... i even smiled, and started to forget about my challenge... got shizophrenically joyful... felt myself on the edge of being happy and sad, and on the edge of being in the normal state of mind, and of being crazy... the edge was thin, just like one of the razor... and i thought maybe i should be crazy, because then you're not conserned about anything... you don't care... but i would prefer to care... every single time.... to feel... to live... to exist like a human.
Just need someone to hold my hand now... so i won't feel lonely...
<3 KO