how is it like to walk on the edge

[DarkRomance]

Few days ago I've received some sad news... so was listening mostly to screamo, and was wearing everything black... needed someone to be there for me and there was no one... I'm freaking out... i think just about the worst that can happen... i don't want to... it's unfair... i guess... i feel emo in general, and hope every day, try not to lose faith... thought of suicide... blood razors... it's a way too... but maybe not for me now, later? Close friends really help... but it is still hard...



Went to school today and was wearing the hood for the first few periods, hiding my head, maybe that's why emo sounds like and ostrich... don't know how to spell this one... so i was all depressed and almost crying... then i've decided to look around, and took off the hood... wow, there was the world there, and all those people, they hide feelings inside of them, under the masks... they act like jocks, and try to be mean... theay are all proud of who they are... all confident... but what inside: they are just like other people, they are not better... or the nerds, who study a lot, and reads subject textbooks until 2 in the morning? but deep inside there are feelings... real emotions... why do we hide them? seems weird...



I took off the hood and started to be normal... hoping for the best inside... i even smiled, and started to forget about my challenge... got shizophrenically joyful... felt myself on the edge of being happy and sad, and on the edge of being in the normal state of mind, and of being crazy... the edge was thin, just like one of the razor... and i thought maybe i should be crazy, because then you're not conserned about anything... you don't care... but i would prefer to care... every single time.... to feel... to live... to exist like a human.



Just need someone to hold my hand now... so i won't feel lonely...

<3 KO

@музыка: UNDERoath - Reinventing the exit...

@настроение: hoping

Comments

thought of suicide... blood razors... it's a way too...



it's a way for weak people.

the say, that there's only one step between love and hartness. maybe there's only one step between hapiness and sadness too.

in out life everybody stays on the edge...

[DarkRomance]

hmmm, i think that people who commit the suicide are strong people though... because how many "strong" people would commit the suiside, almost nobody... why? probably, because they are scared?!

<3 KO

DarkRomance, may be you're right. but i think, that a person who dare to kill himself only try to escape problems of his life and it's weakness.

[DarkRomance]

hehe, who knows actually... in my case i don't try to escape problems, just my life... cuz i feel that it's useless... and pointless... and lonely... i know it's my fault, i made it like that... so sometimes i hope to start over... with a better life...

<3 KO