all the talents shall go to hell

I do not have a talent.
I suck at life. Great, can I get an Oscar now?

@темы: Позитив

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party

Segodnia poshel na American Party.... v pizdu ih... skuchno, i glupo... skuchayu po nashim pohodam v klub s Alisskoi i Aney.

bila devochka odna, navernoe C.... (sis'ki)... vipadaut iz platiya, a ya i dumayu.... mDa.... ya i bol'she videl.... (muah, love ya Alice)

vipil chut' chut', i s'el alcohol'noe jele... i poehal domoi...

Bili bi vi so mnoi, devchenki, mi bi tam vse rasskrutili...

<3 KO
Skuchayu

@темы: Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Позитив

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roads, real faces, and some shadows

yeah, I'm back to kazakhstan, having fun, kinda, when i go out to the city, or somewhere else. Yesterday i was walking back home after we had the evening of the summer. We smoked hookah with absent, water, milk... i got so dizzy, and realized i'm pretty weak and wasted, but it's okay, alice took me outside, so i felt better, we got back and 3 "demons" came over to pick up my brother. haha. Le chat went home with them... and Alice and I were walking around the city talking about stuff that many would think is silly, many wouldn't even bother to think about however we didn't care, it was important to us, it was real, and it was honest. And i like it. Bad service at American Bar and Grill pissed me off, not really, but just a little bit, and a dude who thought that Alice and i were Americans, was funny, cuz we don't even look like americans... or do we? maybe we are just this cool and hot - at the same time... heh. So anyways I was walking down the road, It was dark... I couldn't see anything, i was getting worried, because i called alice and she didn't pick up... though we talked later. I was walking and thinking: hmmm, what's that all about? i wonder... i walk down the road - same old road of my life - i walk alone at the moment, but i know there are so many other roads around, some cross mine, some are paralel, people walk down those roads intersecting and just passing by me... but there is a road that i'm still looking for, they call it extremely consistent, the road that is so close to your own, so that it seems that it is the same. I have a lot to go, and i passed a lot, far more than an average person of my age, yet less, cuz i never had problems, and i shall avoid those. I don't think i need trouble to amaze myself, because there is so much more than that. There is always a good book to read, loving famil to spend time with, Hookah with best friends ever, and just life, that is waiting for me, for us, for all the strangers and friends walking down the roads, we just don't notice it sometimes, we just don't recognize it, and then get depressed, cuz we think we are not happy, and satisfied. I have a life to live, i have a road to go though, and i'm happy i have a chance to do so!

<3 KO

@музыка: Boulevard of broken dreams

@настроение: hungry

@темы: Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Позитив, Точка зрения

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concerts and lullabies

Yesterday i went to the concert which was pretty good, it wasn't so much fun this time, but i don't regret that i went there. I was looking for something there, something very important, and i didn't find it i guess. however today i have a free day, even though i wasted a few hours of it for sleep, it's 1:00 PM and i just woke up. Don't really know if i should have breakfast or lunch, ar maybe nothing? I've got one more rejection letter, which makes me more considerate about the community college, just need to fill out the application and make sure all the documents are in... this time i WILL be responsible, before i just didn't see the point, i didn't have a GOAL, right now i know my GOALS at least one of them... Saw the car yesterday and thought: wow! i'll finally get one, which was excitening... but today is the day to do my homework and to get ready for school next monday, before that i want to do some things, i will tell you later, maybe... Oh and my mom said that opening a club idea would be great and maybe daddy would like to sponsor me, if i present a valid high rated business plan. =D i should start working on it...

<3 KO

@музыка: Swing Life away

@настроение: just woke up, feeling good

@темы: Мысли вслух, Позитив

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a way out of nowhere...

so i'm pretty much happy, i do guitar, i do snowboarding and i pierce my ears and also i smoke hookah, more than that i have my own hookah now... lol... i live my life to the fullest, but i'm a bit conserned about money though, i need to start some kind of business sometime... i do, i try hard and i travel fast along the life line. The girl is going to ask someone tomorrow, it still mght be me, but i think i do not care. i just love snowboarding and bassing... lol... so i got a bit drunk, lost a game, so had to drink a shot of vodka - some effect, but i do not like it, so i do not think i'm gonna do it often. i smoked hookah though. People were so drunk so they all went to bed and guess what happened, as i was the only sober one i had to clean up everything... it was good though... stan promised me 3 things: 1 - he will introduce himself to girls at school. 2 - he will find me a girlfriend. 3 - i do not remember. i took his promises. and now i just observe how he will do it. Jordan told us a story of his broken heart and how he wanted to kill someone, which is kinda scary... but me, i just fixed everything and wanted to go to bed, which was occupied, so i went somewhere else, because i found the door, there was a coridor behind it, bathroom to the right, left - two closed doors, i've tried the first one - it didn't open, i opened the second one and i saw my friends having sex, embarassing... but it was all good. i went upstairs and fall asleep. i woke up at 8 and wanted to snowboard, they said they can't, so i was okay with it. however, i think that this time was one of the best times ever in my life. i fell so badly that people thought i would die or really hurt myself, but i stood up and went to do more, laughing - amazing, maybe i'm just turning crazy?

<3 KO

@музыка: The hell song by Sum 41

@настроение: good, and sleepy

@темы: Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Позитив

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seconds of reality

So here i go again, I'm not so mad at people anymore, they actually care, they really do care about me, but their care to me is like a cage for a bird... they still feed it, they still love it, but they never let it out, they never let it go... because they bought it, just like they created me, so they consider me to be their property... they don't give me a chance to work, they think that i'm nothing, but if you think about today, is there any person then who is worth something... like really, is there anyone who's not nothing... yes there is, it's special someone, who gives you flowers and teddy bears on valentines day, it's someone who even sends a small card that says i love you... it's someone who calls you every night, just to say 5 words: I love you, good night... this person probably is crashed into you, like a runaway train, maybe you don't really care about this person, but you have the connection - you make this person to breath again everytime he's talking to you... Yesterday i had a deep conversation: or maybe not so deep one... but in the middle of it i said: "i went on the roof and was listening to music until the battery went off" and she said: we do same things... so guess what happened next? I asked her out, she was thinking for some time, i felt that she was smiling, and she said: sure... i want us to be together, but i don't know what is going to happen: all that i know is that i need her, and a car to go to this date... =D

<3 KO

@музыка: Crashed into you

@настроение: good i guess

@темы: Вопросы, Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Позитив, Чувства

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about Valentine's days

from the time i remember myself, i never liked Valentine's day... I didn't like it because i was jeleous, or maybe just sad to be single. And last year i even lost a friend on this day... But today, i've decided to be responsible for my Valentines day. I came to school and gave cards to most of the people i wanted to give cards to. and of course i got her something: a teddy bear and a card and a box of chocolate. She hugged me first... and then right before the period started she run up to me and gave me another huge hug... - probably she read the letter... one of my friends saw it, and made conclusions: "we are not gonna be friends anymore" she said: "because you're going to be together with her." she asked me:"Why did you do it?" and i said: "Because I'm in love". At the end of the day, of course i didn't want the girl i like to see someone else in my jacket, but i let my friend to borrow it, so i was like:"can i have my jacket back?" the friend:"is it because of the girl" and i said: "Yes" so she got pissed off... I mean it's okay to wear my jacket, but after i get together with the girl, otherwise it seems that i'm a jerk who just tries to pick up some chicks - which is not true. Now, probably i lost another friend, and stayed single for Valentines day... eh, w/e...i can get over it easily... =D... and anyways: who knows what is going to happen?!



Later this day: other friend called, she was trying to fix everything for me and the girl who got pissed at me today... she was crying... stupid bitch said something mean to her... i just don't know what to now... i mean: what's wrong with me liking a girl... what, am i supposed to live as single, because of all my friends... but i need love... i know real friends will understand me, and wouldn't care much... they would rather support me than break me down.



hahah, i'm giving free psychlogical sessions today... =D

<3 KO

@музыка: Run away - Cartel

@настроение: good

@темы: Вопросы, Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Позитив, Точка зрения, Чувства

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about fakes

i don't know how

i don't know why...



I find myself feeling different today: i don't complain, i don't cry, i don't beat the walls with my fists... i just breath... amazing... i saw sad momnts today, and i accepted them: it was so easy... to live for the moment... i started to make steps to get my car, and my dad called me in the middle of the night, saying that he's gonna get me one... so it only takes a thought and everything else will come with it... I need a girlfriend still though... maybe i really want it... and i must be afraid... but... it is easier to get a car, you just need money, and the car will be yours... you don't do it to girls... i want to have feelings... and i want to feel back... it seems so easy... but people, well some of them, make it complicated... i didn't talk to my friends for a WHILE... i miss them... and i didn't smoke for a week - amazing huh, but when i smoke, i have to admit - i feel inspired, or maybe this thought just got stuck in my head? i don't know, and don't want to think of it, cuz i can think of it tomorrow...

<3 KO

@музыка: How could this happen to me?

@настроение: relaxed

@темы: Мысли вслух, Позитив

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today is the day....

today was weird: woke up and couldn't go to the bathroom, cuz my roomate went to the bathroom and clumped it with his shit... ahahahah... when everything was fixed i took a shower and Lazar came over... we went to get a corsage for their girls... it was beautiful... then we went to the haircut place and Lazar had a haircut first.... i was still wandering weather i should go to the dance, cuz i thought it will be boring... but Rod said: you never know if you don't try... i thought about it, but still couldn't decide... what happened next was interesting... he said: should i shave my head? Would it look good... i said: you never know if you don't try... he shaved his hair and he liked it... then i was totally confused, and i've decided that i'm gonna go, 5 minutes before the time... we had dinner in a nice restaurant... sushi - and rolls... ummm... and went to the dance... where music didn't annoy me, but was pleasing. cuz i actually noticed that i like different kinds of music... but people were like robots with phony smiles... they were doing same move over and over, over and over - for 3 hours... i thought it was terrible... my girl was trying to make me jeleous, she was smiling though when i was getting mad... lol... and i smiled, said to myself: well if everything is good for her, everything will turn out good for me too... I understood that club idea is really adorable... i'd like to open one... i'd like to have one... and yes there is also something: i learned how to make my hands warm with the power of mind... it's adorable... life goes on, and i lived the moment today and all last week, i'm proud of myself... i almost didn't get in depression, just this moments of weird sadness, that i lived to the fullest too... todays quote: you never know if you don't try...

<3 KO

@музыка: none

@настроение: excited

@темы: Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Позитив

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about how sometimes i don't get it and worry

Dear diary,



Today i saw my friends being different, seems like they can't see me, and avoid me... but it's just a matter of time... i know for sure i'm over the girl, yeah, because of same emptiness, and i'm happy that she's happy... she gets angry and i'm woried, if it's about me, but it's not... i hope not... even if it is, the time will change everything... the world doesn't hate people, did i ever said that? hardly... don't think it ever can.... i can say that i'm tired of world, or it's annoying and hateful, but i can't say that the world hates people...



I think that funclub is done for today and tomorrow, I just stopped looking for something and i live on what i feel in the moment - i'm happy, i will be jumping around, sadly - it looks fake, but hey, what can i do, if it's a way of self exprеssion? whatever... i can't concentrate my powers on something unreal, I'd rather be there for something else... I was in love, but i never experienced hate... no, it's a strong world...



It's hard to be lonely, but it's all that i've got, so i should enjoy it, because it really is all that i've got... i mean, lonely, not like without friends, but more like without a lover, different type of love i guess... many people struggle, alone, but they live, nothing happens to them, they just do live... so will i live, so will i move on, and so will i love, but some other day, not today, because there is almost nothing left of today...

<3 KO

@музыка: AFI - LOVE like WINTER

@настроение: sleepy

@темы: Позитив

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waking up in the new world

today i woke up at 8 o'clock in the morning, and felt positive... it doesn't happen to me very often... I called my friend yesterday night, and we talked about our glorified plans for future... exciting huh? sorry guys, i'm still am a ROCKSTAR, but i'm also KONSTANTIN SKY, a person you know better... ROCKSTAR is just my job, and KONSTANTIN is my name, this is who i am, i don't belong to anything, and i don't belong to anyone, I'm free to do whatever i want to... right... and i'm still your friend... music will never change me, only i can do it...



I talked about it because few days ago i was talking abou changes, and my friend Thiago, thinks that music changed me... but i'm afraid it's not music, maybe the fact that i came to the US, no it's not it... my psychologist, no... I've changed because i wanted to, so it was my choice... and i try to live in a harmony with my soul... so when i feel emo, probably i'm really hurt... when i feel hyper i must be excited about something... I like living for the moment... but i barely do...



Bt i smile more now, and talk more, and play the bass early in the morning, just to enjoy it, not to complete the course faster, but just to enjoy the sound... i ask my self questions, and i get answers... I'm not a liar, trust me, it's just who i am who doesn't want to play the games that are not fair... like if i promise something i'm not gonna do, and i want to do it, i will break this promise, but if i promised that i will do something for the person, i'll certainly do it... so please if you want me to promise you not to do something, you promise me the same thing first... so it will be fair...



I love my friends, they are awesome... they live their lives, and i'm happy that i'm a part of their lives, and they have a part in my life. i believe in the power of the mind, i really do, i saw how it works... and i believe, that my time comes, i can feel it trembeling near my ear, i can touch it almost, my hands get heavy and full of energy of creation... my eyes are opened wide, and ready to face life, not to fight it, but to accept it the way it is... i hope someone will join me in this free of gravitation jump. but for now we will just sing if we are going under, and sing if something is not enough... i will sing without a reason, and when i fall i will feel better, i will smile, cuz after you fall you can't change anything, and it looks funny... so... yeah... got so excited....

CARPE DIEM - LIVE FOR THE MOMENT

AND GLORIFY THE WORLD WITH ME

DON'T LOOK FOR SOMETHING YOU CANT FIND,

JUST TURN AROUND AND YOU WILL FIND SOMETHING ELSE,

AND IT MIGHT BE EVEN BETTER THAN SOMETHING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR...

@музыка: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING

@настроение: excited

@темы: Позитив, Точка зрения