about hurting toe...

yes, today i went to the doctor... and he said: I can cut it out... cuz it's just this bad... so he cut my toe with his knife and other stuff... i had some painkiller, but it didn't get rid of all the pain i had... however now it's gonna be better, i hope so... so i also went to other doctor, and she said that i'm okay, even though she suggested me to take some kind of medications... tomorrow, my parents are going to our friends Bday... to eat some chinese food, and kids are going to be sent away to gramas... so i'll stay here alone, or go somewhere, if someone would like to go with me... sadly... my toe hurts so we can go to some cafe only...



in a mintime, i should finish my fucking homework... yeah, the doctor asked if i have a girlfriend in the US, and i said no... she asked: why? and i had a reason why... but she was like: you don't like girls in the US...

And i said the truth: Yes, i do, but just some of them... I meant Bree... yes, i miss her, and i do love her, but i've decided to let her go from my heart... there are always emotions that keep it wam, maybe later we shall become a good couple, but now, when we just hurt each other, it's not a good idea...



Moving on is the best way to be for now... everywhere... everytime... i'm afraid to lose this life, because i haven't taste so much in it... I love random stuff, and it's the best thing you can ask me about... like:

I think that GREEN roses are so pretty...



my mom saved me few times, and Bree saved me too... My mom from death... Bree from suicide... twice... and now i wonder: why do people have to save me, can't i survive on my own? is it so hard for me, just to live without getting into any trouble? heh...



i don't know what else to say? move on with me, and maybe we shall get what we want at last?!

<3 KO



PS: mom said that she would rather hear that i'm an actor or a model, than a rockstar...

@музыка: Sum 41 - we are all to blame...

@настроение: little pain in a toe...

---

how do you feel after you leave the psychologists room....

I love psychology... weird science, amorphous... but awesome... so i went to my psychologist today... and came there 40 minutes earlier... so i had to wait... My psychologist invited me to her appartment, so there wasn't a way for me to come earlier, it wouldn't be polite... so here i am, standing alone in this freezing morning and waiting... i can't wait longer, so i just go to the narest department store to spend my time... it took me about 10 minutes to get there... and 20 to get around this store 15 times and visit the bathroom... 10 minutes back to her house. And guess what: my watch is set wrong, so i got there late by 15 minutes... Talked to her for 2 and a half hours... what a nice talking i would say... got so many thought on life... then left all happy and cheered up... I was almost crying when got there... was jumping around and smiling a lot... even created a line for my song in my mind... something like: in frozen heat of your cool heart... cheezy i know... but yeah, got into a cab and went out to get gifts for my parents... i bet they will be like: wow! i love that... btw



i know that they love me and try to give me what is the best for me, but it is hard on me... I've put myself in their shoes... i would worry a lot, if my son was making the choices i make...



i say that there is no time, but i say it not even thinking of how much time do i waste on some random stuff, especially thinking... thinking of life, what is not usual for the kids of my age, or even for some adults...



right now my back hurts, and my toe might be bleeding... but my heart is smiling... smiling for me, for you, for everyone... there is always a choice, there is always a word that makes it real, there is always some hope... and yes, i think there is meaning of life... and no matter what it is, it is easier to live, when you know there is one...



I would like to post one of my poems here today too... old one... and yep, i've promised to myself that i'll write a poem as soon as an inspiration comes... the greatest poem ever... i feel it comming...



“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing” –

He answered her,

Laughing…



I’m okay,

The world is mistaken,

And sitting on roof,

I’m dieing and faking.

The stars are so pretty,

The candles turned on…

I’m looking on city,

And scream on my own.

They say it’s my world,

And it’s better to make it,

But also they told,

That I cannot shake it!



I wanted to love,

I wanted to dream,

I wanted MY grove,

But now I just scream!

You said it was mine,

You gave it to me;

But then in divine,

You didn’t give key…



What can I say?

I’m tired of lie!

I look in those eyes,

I rather would die…

The world made me real,

It wants me to fake,

I know how I feel,

Exploring this lake!

My will is a rock,

It’s useless to fight,

It’s better to lock,

This infinite light…



I just wanted to love…

I just wanted to dream,

I just wanted to live,

But now I just scream…

Huh?!



it's an old one... and i used to like it, i still do, but it's not about me now... I've changed to better since.



piture: there is always sun if you want to see it... =D

@музыка: Senses Fail - Save Yourself

@настроение: i feel good.

---

about one LIFETIME theory

What is lifetime? why do we come here? i bought a book with one of the theories.... and i would like to tell about this theory... Well, it's quite simple: Life is a Game... and we come to the world to help each other get rid of the sins we made in other lifes... just a new theory, so don't judge... It also states that we idealize a lot of things... which causes all of out problems... and the problems are the words of life on how shouldn't we idolize something... They say that kids come to distroy each others idealizations and people meet to do the same thing... we can dream, we ca fight for what we want, but we shouldn't think that we won't survive without it...

maybe a bullshit... maybe not... just another line between all those written...

If this is true... than i understood a lot... like all my Idealistic ideas... and my parents... their divorce... and living with my step-dad... better than nothing, i guess, but there is my life too...



My mom was talking about me and my brother to one of her friends, and it wasn't a good idea, she didn't know i can hear... and i got a bit sad, but now i'm okay, i guess...



Other thing: i said no to the guitar... because i think that my parents won't ever say any good about the idea... and i won't be inspired because my family wold never appreciate what i do...



I saw so many people today... and i saw them smiling, but having their own issues... but they smile... one of my friends once quoted someone: They smile largest when it hurts them most... is it true... some of us do... but others just show their emotions... and think it's all okay...



About the fridges: my mom said: why is it so important for you to have someone... and i said: to feel that i'm alive and breathing i guess, like to feel that i'm still a human, but not the fridge, but no, even our fridge has a mate: i pointed on a white one... lol

@музыка: Simple Plan - Me against the world...

@настроение: going to psychologist tomorrow, so thinking...

---

Notes on broken fate?

Have you ever Had your Heart,

Scream against your soul?

And you questioned

Who will win?

Has that spark inside,

Ever Burst into a flame - don't suffocate what lies within...

The sound of silence could be the loudest sound of all... ...-Driven... Hourglass...



I think once in a while that this song is something that makes it so simple, yet complicated... the word choice i think is good... very good... Yesterday i went out with my friend ALICE... we saw a cartoon with no concrete idea, but with few weird lines and few lines that got into my head... a cartoon is called "Happy Feet", it's about a penguin... who was different from others... i always thought that i'm different from others... and right now i think how hard can it be once in a while... or maybe i'm just the same ordinary child... no, we are all unique... i believe so... i want to believe so... anyways the lines are... "I'm sorry i can't change who i am" and the weird one was about love... anyways, than we went to CAFE_MAX, and happened to be too young to enjoy a cup of tea there... Coffee and Tea house was our next stop... we got there pretending to be foreigners... Manifique,,, magique... and other weird stuff... talked there, and went home.... got home and my parents talked to me about my horoscope for the next year (they bought a magazine or something) and about the car i want... and stuff... so my horoscope sad that i shouldn't do anything this new year... and that i have to be careful everywhere... bullshit... and my dad was talking to me about the car... i went to bed, and my mom said in the morning: "He doesn't do what he says very ofen, he needs time to think about his decisions..." it means, he won't keep the promise... sadly...

hate it... g2g

<3 KO

---

about bracelets and hearts

Today my little sister made a bracelet for me, it's green and says Ko... so lovely... thank you Jenny! Love ya! and my brother broke down the can in pickles, he collects glass still, and i have to do my homework, and heal my toe... oh, how it hurts... there is this bad stuff inside of it, and there are two ways to get rid of it: 1 = cut... 2 = push it out... both are painful, but my mom says she won't let me or someone else to cut it out, so she would rather press on it... and get it out... pain... so much pain... i was singing not to feel it, and got pretty good at it... everyone was like: wow! I didn't know he can do that... but yes i can... other part was painful too, less painfull though: i had to put my foot into a hot water bowl with salt in it... awww... but i'll get better, i know it... i have to go to school also now... because my brother told teachers i came back... and some of them wanted to talk to me... oh well... i need to type out 4 essays as soon as possible... and i want tea, or coffee... yeah... dreaming about it... my brother just got here, saying that he wants to get some kind of prize for what he was doing... i dunno what... ? i gave him 100, and he was like: no, not like that... what do you want little brother? ah, whatever... i have to go and keep on with my statistics homework...

And yes: i feel emo once in a while, but it's different kind of emo... they call it HAPPY EMO... gah! duh! I'm just tired of being sad or happy at the times, so i choose to be happy, yet scene... and emotional... and emotive... and like i love the music...

<3 KO

Picture: this is how it is... smile... like you mean it... when you want to... when you mean it... smile all the time, when your heart is breaking, when there is this love... and when there isn't... smile while you can... =)

@музыка: madison - my space is your space...

@настроение: sleepy

---

notes on life in the middle and other weird stuff...

They say they want to be in the middle, i don't... because i live there and it's hard... they say it brings balance, they are wrong... the balance comes on it's own... I can be depressed. i can be happy... it's all me... I'll do my best now to live my life on my own... because actually no one really cares... lie... there are few people who do... and that's nice...



What should i feel like? what should i do? when you like stuck here in the middle, you don't belong to anywhere but your own imaginary world, and once in a while your dog becomes your best friend... sweet i know... seems so... maybe they say i do nothing if i seek for the meaning of life... but you can think of it and do something else at the same time... Why don't people think of it like that? and you have time when you sleep, where you see it all...



But should you think of it, if there isn't one? And how can you know... we all live, most of us get hurt in a process... and we keep on living... it's normal... we act all suicidal once in a while to get attention... not even thinking of it... once in a while...



all i can really say: i regret that i've created this diary... it makes me think about fucked up stuff too much...



Books we read teach us, but do we need to be taught something else, something that someone else wants to believe? i like books... i love them, but taking them so close to my heart... never... some books reflect me, that's why i like them more... but they shouldn't change who i am... because I am is all i have all the time... no one can take it from me...



they say: never say never... i know it's not a good word to use... but there are moments when you have to say them: I've never ride a crocodile? i'm not sure if i ever do...



life is cruel, but we tend to adapt to it...

<3 KO

@музыка: New found Glory - It's not your fault

@настроение: gah, pretty good...

---

songs of the broken that make me breath again...

today is the day,

the worst day of my life...



lines from one of my favorite songs, actually have nothing to do with me, especially today, yes - yesterday was sad, but today is okay... lol... i woke up in a bad mood today, and taked to my mom for a bit, and once in a while she told me some stuff, and i thought of myself, and i wanted to cry... tears appeared on my eyes, but i didn't want to cry, so i hid my tears wherever i happened to look at... opposite direction... i went online and randomly got on AIM to talk to my american friends: and Bree made me smile, i don't feel so lonely now... why does this girl play with me like that... i know she doesn't... but something tells me that she would never play with my feelings... because we are unique to each other, and would never do this... we are to similar apart from gender... lol... i read some jokes and yes i had a dream.... i died there... or was about to, and she saved me, romantic... felt emo... i felt useless for a while, and found 10000000 reasons why... and called my psychologist: she said call me later so we can talk about the time and day (when i'll come)... i have a problem, i agree, and i'm not afraid to confess it... and i just need to find answers... that is the reason why i got to the psychologist... i man, everyone has his own answers, but when i come there, i think of myself in a different way, and somehow find the answers... answers how we all need them sometimes...



<3 KO

@музыка: The TIDE

@настроение: smiling emo

---

conversation 2

this one made my day... it's that one girl i used to like a lot... and she knows how to make me happy... i don't know why, but we have this weird connection... that isn't called love...



dinosawrs (8:49:39 PM): konstantin





Auto Response from DarkRomance28 (8:49:43 PM): it's so unfair, so fucking unfair...





dinosawrs (8:49:52 PM): what is going on

DarkRomance28 (9:34:16 PM): Bree...

DarkRomance28 (9:34:20 PM): sorry

dinosawrs (9:34:18 PM): KO!@

DarkRomance28 (9:34:27 PM): i was away, kinda

DarkRomance28 (9:34:33 PM): how are you?

dinosawrs (9:34:43 PM): im okay

dinosawrs (9:34:49 PM): whats going on with you sir

DarkRomance28 (9:35:13 PM): i feel emo... i guess...

DarkRomance28 (9:35:31 PM): how's your break?

dinosawrs (9:35:55 PM): its going wonderfully

dinosawrs (9:36:01 PM): what is going on with the emoness

DarkRomance28 (9:37:58 PM): the emoness... it's because i think too much about stuff i shouldn't think... i mustn't think...

dinosawrs (9:38:11 PM): what stuff

dinosawrs (9:38:14 PM): spill to me boy

DarkRomance28 (9:40:09 PM): i just sit in the snow for hours watching the sky... and stars... and night goes on and on... it's just beautiful, you know...

dinosawrs (9:40:23 PM): is it about a girl?

DarkRomance28 (9:41:33 PM): yes and no, it's like all about everything... of course mostly about people...

dinosawrs (9:42:24 PM): just in general?

dinosawrs (9:42:32 PM): it is okay to think but when you think

dinosawrs (9:42:41 PM): you must have answers to meet the ends of your thoughts

DarkRomance28 (9:43:47 PM): the answers are hard to find, and i try, i do my best, but i can't... it's normal i guess...

dinosawrs (9:47:12 PM): if you need help you can ask for it

DarkRomance28 (9:48:26 PM): thank you... =)... it makes me feel better...

dinosawrs (9:48:56 PM): you cant stare into the sky forever, you begin to lose yourself on earth

dinosawrs (9:49:04 PM): the sky is too big and infinite to give us the answers we need

dinosawrs (9:49:08 PM): it knows all and sees all

dinosawrs (9:49:23 PM): but you have to be careful, it could drive you crazy with vastness of it

DarkRomance28 (9:54:05 PM): i want to be there, in the sky... i'm sure it wouldn't make me happy, it wouldn't make me sad... but maybe it'll make me sleep forever...

dinosawrs (9:55:35 PM): but then nothingness

dinosawrs (9:55:40 PM): and you cease to exist

DarkRomance28 (10:00:06 PM): it's true. it just seems that the exit is so simple, and so close... but i dare not to touch it... existance hurts sometimes...

dinosawrs (10:01:26 PM): how many times ive said those same words i dont even know

dinosawrs (10:01:31 PM): thats so wierd and coicidental

dinosawrs (10:01:43 PM): then again you know that someone out there feels the same way

DarkRomance28 (10:04:22 PM): oh yes, you know what i think about when i look in the sky once in a while? I think that there is someone else, in other part of Earth looks in the sky at the same time, and thinks that someone is doing the same thing... weird, maybe silly, but romantic... =)

dinosawrs (10:05:22 PM): haha same thoughts

dinosawrs (10:05:25 PM): ive done it too

dinosawrs (10:05:32 PM): but ive never thought ive more like wished

dinosawrs (10:05:46 PM): and then that wish comes to be i wish i were with that person so we could share that moment

DarkRomance28 (10:08:50 PM): yes, i wished we could share the moment, but i really think there is this person, because there are so many people, different people, maybe i'll never meet her, maybe i will, i wish i met her already though...

dinosawrs (10:09:21 PM): waiting is hard, but worth it

dinosawrs (10:09:24 PM): but maybe she is near

dinosawrs (10:09:27 PM): she just doesnt know it

dinosawrs (10:09:29 PM): yet



Thanks BREE!

@музыка: the pink spiders - little razorblade

@настроение: emo

---

notes on how i try not to fall in love

I'm trying hard, because i know...

that this will hurt...

you more than me...



these are 3 lines that represent all message... it's just this simple... they love each other, they break each others heart and walk away leaving a piece in each others soul... pathetic you might say... but it's not, not at all actually... because these is what makes us - humans... Animals can love, i hope they can... but for them it's mostly finding a good mate to produce a fertile offspring... yeah, i am good in Bio... anyways... about me, i was in love already several times, and now i try to resist it, maybe it's wrong, but i don't want my heart to be broken again... i know that by doing this... i might miss a lot, i think i'm missing a lot already... i want to meet someone with whom i'll fall in love, and there would be love back... not just sex... or some other kind of material pleasures... i want there to be something that would lift us both off the ground... so we can lay down on the clouds, holding our hands... and just smiling...



But i know that when i leave, it will hurt you more than me, not really, it'll hurt us equally, really bad... so tell me: what the fuck am i supposed to do, how can i love? how can i live? if there is always a time when we leave each other for many days? just don't get it once in a while...



done.

@музыка: Plain White T's - hey there delilah

@настроение: my heart feels sad...

---

boredom

well, yeah... it seems to be nice, but who knows? i sit here, doing my English homework... i think i should finish it today along with my math homework... I think i just had a crash on that girl that could had grown in something else... special... but... yeah... whatever... yesterday was same, same as today... i think i should get out and do some stuff, at least get that magic bullet thingie for my mother, she wanted it so much... hehe... my sister had a bad day yesterday, sadly: she hurt herself everywhere... i felt so bad for her, well, my little brother was laughing so badly, so he hit his forehead on the table, sarcastic... and ironic... don't want to think which word would be best for this one... my other brother Slava, didn't get on a plain, stupid, wanted to go to Moscow or ST. Petersburg... gah, he didn't even get on a plain in the us, what was he looking forward to? don't get it... still, he didn't come here... but after a discussion with our parents he's going to get here on 28th, and daddy wants us to fly to the US together... i don't care much... but i need to remind my dad about a car, cuz it's very important to me on this period of life... i miss my friends, no matter where they are.... i wish i could just go and chill with them for a while... i dunno where, but maybe just sit and talk?! or go to see a movie... anyways love you all...

Ko

picture: i think they should had gotten closer... but what can you do?

@музыка: The Juliana Theory - Breating by wires

@настроение: bored

---

just another day

Well, hello, Diary!

This day started as any other, slowly and harmlessly... Yesterday night my net was down, so i couldn't write anything that was in my mind here... I've tried to call my psychologist, but she wasn't at home, so the call failed... I went out in the dark moonless night (i didn't see the moon) and started to run around to forget everything that i was thinking about... my little brother came out to shoot a few snowballs in me, it was pretty cool, until he stepped on my toe... it hurt, so i took my dog and went to the river, the place i once got all dirty at... and was standing there for a while, the water started to break the ice cover over it... and the sound appeared in the silent night... sound of cracking eyes... it was dark, but yet, all i could see was magnificent... I went away... got home and was going to take a shower in the pool building, but the water was freezing, so i went home, took a shower, and tried to cure my toe... then went to bed... with sad thoughts... i don't usually pray to god, but this time i thought, that i might try, who knows?! i fell asleep, and slept without dreams... and woke up today... and now i'm sitting with my little sister... love her, we listen to music, emo, i know... but yeah... she doesn't understand... I have thought from yesterday, but not so much today... It's all about the poison of love i used to take so often, maybe i shall try to find a cure from it... maybe not? well, i've been filling out the applications to colleges and yeah it took my mind off the stuff for a while...

<3 KO

@музыка: My chemical Romance - What they do to guys like us in prison

@настроение: cheer up is needed?

---

why?

Why is the sky so grey for me?

Why do i have to suffer so much?

Why, oh god, you never answer me?

Why does the night under the full-moon on the roof makes me cry?

Why do i fall in love so quickly?

Why do i burn down so easily of it?

Why do i have to be so fortunate and unfortunate at the same time?

Why my dog understands me better than most of the people around?

Why do i feel emo, and think about people before i go to sleep?

Why can't i fall asleep and live the rest of my life in the dream i've created?

Why did my heart lead me, just like a compass, to be broken down?

Why was my heart broken down?

Why don't i get what i want sometimes?

why do they want me to believe in something that doesn't make sense to me?

Why do people look on me as if i was a good choice toy?

Why do people make mistakes and never learn from them?

Why is there the sun that hurts me every single day?

Why is there so much pain in one word?

why do they think they can write my fate as they want?

Why can't i just destroy all the lyrics i wrote and burn them for good?

Why a goddess named Love likes to hurt me?

Why don't she choose someone else to be her toy?

Why can't i live my life on the fullest?

why don't they let me live my life on my own?

why can't i just finish the suffering?



answer is probably simple... because i care...

*tears fall down my face*? invisible tears...

<3 KO

@музыка: simple plan - crazy

@настроение: emotional hardcore...

---

For every word Ive ever said,

And for the tears that came across.

You were the last mistake I made,

Who nailed me hard onto a cross.



I'm not a doll,

And you should know this,

I'm not your kitty...

understand...

I gave you chances...

you resisted...

I trusted you and found my end...



And now this hood,

Is only thing that saves me,

And soon my eyes

will black out to amaze me...



Slap, slap, slap... here you see blood on my face...

Slap, slap, slap... i'm bleeding through your disgrace...

Slapping and smiling...

you couldn't resist...

Don't try to understand

Get ready your fist...



I told you my story...

So tired of life,

And every next day,

Just stabs me like knife...

It's tempting me badly -

the train to my grave...

I said I was sorry,

I hope to be safe... soon...



And i pray again

so long pray for rain...

To come off from your eyes...

Cuz they don't have a price...



but you just

Slap, slap, and slap me down.

You just

kick, hit, and bite me to ground...

This song for your misery...

and for my hope...

I laught in your face...

but i wish i would stop...

@музыка: Dating Delilah - Blood on the dancefloor

@настроение: not hungry...

---

note about future...

Here, Roma asked to to see the calculator... hmmm, random but w/e...

anyways, a few days ago me, Alissa and her friend Anya went out to a coffeshop where had a great time with silly and thoughtful discussions. one of our them was about our future... and it was kind of sad... we want to create, to sustain this hidden power of producing things, that are not made of figures, but of just pieces of soul... but our parents don't want us to follow our dreams, or at least the things we concider to be our dreams... I want to be a Rockstar, it's kind of obvious, but my step-dad says: it's genetics, you cannot play guitar... thank you daddy... he also asked me to help them yesterday, to carry some kind of box to the 3rd floor... and when i did it, he started to scream: Gosh, I told you to bring it to the second floor, but i heard him saying 3rd... well, shouldn't be a big deal... i try not to bother him about anything... but i really need a car right now... Dreams of our parents are understandible, they want us to be rich and successful, but it seems that they think all i can do is count numbers and do high level math... it just seems so... yeah... and i try to explain them, that if i follow my dream, i would probably become everything they want... but they don't believe me? or maybe they do, deep inside... but afraid of mistakes i might make... but mistakes are just our chances to learn... it's better to make mistakes now, because later it might be too late lo learn something... and once in a while i feel like if i was wasting my time in this world... i have so many dreams, i created a world for myself... but it's cold and lonely... and i think that i need to share this world with someone... someone special... i know that i worth a lot, but people like me to prove it to them, and i'm tired of doing it... all the time... why can't they just let me live? live MY LIFE on my own?

<3 KO

@музыка: SAOSIN - BURY YOUR HEAD

@настроение: waiting for something...

---

what should i do?

it might be funny, but it's a 3rd note today... but probably i just don't have much to do?! so, i'll tell you about my Love life...

So there was a girl and she held my heart for several years, till i got to america, and there fortunately i saw another girl who broke my heart so badly... I loved her and she wasn't ready for me, well, you can't force someone to love you... this is what i thought, and after some sad events that made me to lose my friend i gave up on her... But the saddest part of the story: she loved me after that like hell, and i loved her too, but we were too pathetic to avoid each other and if together stay quiet staring at each others eyes... like had some chemistry there, so hardcore... and then i made my move... i got her flowers, they were beautiful, and i can still remember her smile, when i gave them to her in front of everyone... she didn't know what to say, and just smiled... smiled a lot, with her special beautiful smile... but something happened to us... i don't know what, maybe someone else got inbetween and this was the end of this story... pretty sad, huh?

So i came here, and saw this girl in the store... she was beautiful, and i know her now... and i'm trying to keep my feelings deep inside, as i'm going to leave to the US soon. and it would hurt us both... I don't know what to do... I was dreaming about her... and we had great time in my dream... I must be falling in love, but i'm afraid to...

what should i do? and i wonder if she likes me...

<3 KO

@музыка: PLAIn WHITE T's - WHAT IF

@настроение: sleepy

---

conversation

- Hey, sup?

- hi, not much, u?

- I've got so many problems... I hate my life... Nothing happens here... Listen to this: my mom asked me to leave the house, I want to be an actor and no one lets me, i want to see my friends, and i hate when someone else uses my razorblade.

- Why do you say that nothing happens in your life?

- Because it's so plain. I need to be active!

- How do you think you can be active?

- I don't know... I don't think i can. I don't have enough money.

- Why do you think you have to have money to be active?

- Because if i had money, i'd have gone to Paris or Los Angeles.

- And you think you'd be actve there...

- Yes i would...

- You see, i think if you want to be active, you don't need money, you need just your wish...

- But i have a wish... oh, nevermind you just don't understand.

- What's up with your mom then?

- Oh, she just doesn't get anything, she said that i have a problem, but i'm sure i don't...

- You sure you don't have one?

- Yes, i am sure.

- hmmm...

- I just don't know: people piss me off, they like different music... like you, i don't want to offend you, but i think that the music you like (screamo) is just plain screaming, and you don't need to have talent to produce this kind of music...

- I wouldn't say that.

- Well, i would, and yes, have you heard a new song of (singers name), i hate him so much...

- Why is that, it's a pretty nice song...

- He always says that he was born to be rich and famous... and i hate it, how can he say that?

- He just set himself to it... his parents did, they wanted him to be there to follow his dream... and it's his goal... I think he's a right to say that, it's his attitude to life, and his choice...

- Well, you just don't get it...

- Ah, whatever...

- I think i'm getting sick, do you think it's because of magnets you gave me that day?

- No, i don't think so, but if you think so it might be the problem...

- Well, i don't understand you, what do you mean?

- I mean if you tell yourself that everything around you causes you to get sick, it's your voluntary choice to be sick, don't you think?

- I agree that there is a choice to through them away... and don't be sick.

- It's not what i meant...

- Than you need to grow older to understand it.

- Well, it's my opinion.

- Actually i pretty much accept others opinions, about rebirth after deat and about heaven, but i cannot be sure, i mean, i hate when people tell you stories, and they don't even know...

- I can't blame a person for what they believe in...

- Oh yes, you can...

- Well, i don't blame you for what you believe in... even though i'm disagree with it...

- I'll call you later, okay...

- Sure...





Hmmm, i don't understand people like one of my friends (speaker #1)

i mean was i really wrong, tell me, i'll concider your opinion and say thank you to you.

It's just my way of living, my choice... my road... and i believe that there are many more, but i chose to go along this one... there is always other way... but how many people see it?

<3 KO

@музыка: The TIDE

@настроение: thoughtful

---

notes and questions about understanding.

Dear Diary...

I never started it like that, but oh well... anyways:

Dear Diary,



This is the first note i'm going to live here. And i don't know if it would make much sense...

But here i go:



people say they don't understand, and they also say that i don't understand them. and i think it's normal, because we are all so different, yet the same. We wear different style, we have a different way of speaking and behaving. We listen to different music... like different ice cream flavor. and we are all people... why don't we get each other still. and it hurts a lot sometimes...

Why would others claim nation to be all the same, just because they heard a story of one person? why would they say: you don't understand me? and they don't even give a chance to try... as they don't try themselves...

They call you in the middle of the night, to tell you how their love suffocate them, and how nobody in the world understands them. they expect ME to understand them... and you try... oh, how you try... but it seems to be useless, when they hang up saying: you never understand me.



I wonder, maybe i shouldn't even try to help anybody. I'm not a psychologist for anyone... I really respect my friend ALISSA - because she doesn't tell me her problems, and if she does she understands that sometimes it's hard to understand how she feels, and gives me time... thank you!



well this is my note of the day: should i even try to understand people, especially when they don't give you a chance.



<3 Ko

@музыка: Driven: Hourglass

@настроение: wondering