about being upset...

I'm almost crying... such a distrust, disrespect and offense... they have plans for me, they have hopes, but why don't they just set me free... to do whatever i want to? why not? I wish i was an animal, an ant, so i would die, and i wouldn't even think of it... i wouldn't care - ant doesn't have enough brain power to care... fuck... i need an escape... duh... i've tried 1 cigarette in my entire fucking life, and they consider me addicted already... I had one bottle of beer in my entire life, and i'm an alcoholic for them already! stupid... how can they think that:"oh no, he have tried some taste in life - he must be lost forever alread" how can they say: "think of it" if they don't let me think... did they ever think that it was their fault that i had that beer or smoked that cigatrette... and it was... yes, because i find my escape from them... just like a rebel... i want a lot, my dreams come true, but not in the way i want... in the way everyone else planed... i need an escape... i need a job... i just need something to survive... something to develop myself into a person i want to be... FUCK! i mean why? they don't believe me, they don't trust me, but they know that i'm right... they know that i am... what do we live for? to get money, to make plans? what for - you can die every other moment, and no one will remember your plans for future, someone will get the insurance money, and that's gonna be it... what happened to people, where is carpe diem idea... where is trust... where is real hope, lost between two lagest deserts of the world... or sank in the indian ocean... dissosiated in iced wated, absobt by diet coke... where is fire of love, all i can see is thousands of burned people, who lost their hope, lost their love, they lost their lifes, they exist for pleasure that they will never reach... why even the closest to me person does it... who to trust, if no one wants to trust you?

<3 KO

@музыка: some screamo

@настроение: disguasted

@темы: Вопросы, Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Точка зрения, Чувства

---

how we believe and hope

i've hoped a lot, and trusted people a lot, one would say: you shouldn't trust people with anything, especially with your heart, well i do... I gave my heart to that girl and i think even if she decides to break it down, a lot of things will happen... we cannot stop this evens... we cannot see them, so why don't you just live the day like if it was the last day? i believed my dad, but now he complicates everything... i don't know why... i don't care, i just let it go... so does my brother, who tries to make life a bit more exciting by adding drama, just as my friend... Alexandra... i mean: do you really need it guys? i don't... so please try to avoid me when you want to act out a play... i'll watch it, i'll give you advise, but i don't want to be an actor in this play... cuz i'm tired of games, lies, masks pretending, i'm okay with who i am, maybe you'll say i'm crazy, but i do something i really want to do in the moment, and i really enjoy life, unlike most of people...



Today is my moms birthday, i'm so happy for her, cuz i love her with all my heart, maybe i was unwanted child at first, but it changed, i feel how she loves me, maybe i was a mistake, but i don't care about it, because she really cares about me... Thank you mom, for always being there for me, for understanding, for warmth of your heart... for support and acceptence... You're the mom many people wish to have, but never do... I love you A LOT! and i miss you... I hope you're in a good health and mood... cuz i like it when you're...



<3 KO

PS: I love Bryana Elyss Haus

@музыка: if i fail

@настроение: sleepy

@темы: Мысли вслух

---

about Valentine's days

from the time i remember myself, i never liked Valentine's day... I didn't like it because i was jeleous, or maybe just sad to be single. And last year i even lost a friend on this day... But today, i've decided to be responsible for my Valentines day. I came to school and gave cards to most of the people i wanted to give cards to. and of course i got her something: a teddy bear and a card and a box of chocolate. She hugged me first... and then right before the period started she run up to me and gave me another huge hug... - probably she read the letter... one of my friends saw it, and made conclusions: "we are not gonna be friends anymore" she said: "because you're going to be together with her." she asked me:"Why did you do it?" and i said: "Because I'm in love". At the end of the day, of course i didn't want the girl i like to see someone else in my jacket, but i let my friend to borrow it, so i was like:"can i have my jacket back?" the friend:"is it because of the girl" and i said: "Yes" so she got pissed off... I mean it's okay to wear my jacket, but after i get together with the girl, otherwise it seems that i'm a jerk who just tries to pick up some chicks - which is not true. Now, probably i lost another friend, and stayed single for Valentines day... eh, w/e...i can get over it easily... =D... and anyways: who knows what is going to happen?!



Later this day: other friend called, she was trying to fix everything for me and the girl who got pissed at me today... she was crying... stupid bitch said something mean to her... i just don't know what to now... i mean: what's wrong with me liking a girl... what, am i supposed to live as single, because of all my friends... but i need love... i know real friends will understand me, and wouldn't care much... they would rather support me than break me down.



hahah, i'm giving free psychlogical sessions today... =D

<3 KO

@музыка: Run away - Cartel

@настроение: good

@темы: Вопросы, Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Позитив, Точка зрения, Чувства

---

about the begining of Valentines day!

So here is the thing, i woke up late today, good sign i guess - i had extra time to sleep.... finally... even though it was just 32 more minutes... I got something for the girl... i dunno, who she talks about, but maybe she thinks that i'm not single, and that makes her cry... or maybe she's talking about some other guy... i don't really know... and i don't really care, i just want her to know and finally realize that i love her still... words about chances and tries wrote in the card... i'm not asking for those in there, i just say that if i had another chance with you, i would take it... the guita looks awesome, but i need to find some time to play it... duh... so, i'll write more in the evening, to tell you what actually happened... k?

<3 KO

@настроение: hoping

@темы: Мысли вслух, Чувства

---

about fakes

i don't know how

i don't know why...



I find myself feeling different today: i don't complain, i don't cry, i don't beat the walls with my fists... i just breath... amazing... i saw sad momnts today, and i accepted them: it was so easy... to live for the moment... i started to make steps to get my car, and my dad called me in the middle of the night, saying that he's gonna get me one... so it only takes a thought and everything else will come with it... I need a girlfriend still though... maybe i really want it... and i must be afraid... but... it is easier to get a car, you just need money, and the car will be yours... you don't do it to girls... i want to have feelings... and i want to feel back... it seems so easy... but people, well some of them, make it complicated... i didn't talk to my friends for a WHILE... i miss them... and i didn't smoke for a week - amazing huh, but when i smoke, i have to admit - i feel inspired, or maybe this thought just got stuck in my head? i don't know, and don't want to think of it, cuz i can think of it tomorrow...

<3 KO

@музыка: How could this happen to me?

@настроение: relaxed

@темы: Мысли вслух, Позитив

---

today is the day....

today was weird: woke up and couldn't go to the bathroom, cuz my roomate went to the bathroom and clumped it with his shit... ahahahah... when everything was fixed i took a shower and Lazar came over... we went to get a corsage for their girls... it was beautiful... then we went to the haircut place and Lazar had a haircut first.... i was still wandering weather i should go to the dance, cuz i thought it will be boring... but Rod said: you never know if you don't try... i thought about it, but still couldn't decide... what happened next was interesting... he said: should i shave my head? Would it look good... i said: you never know if you don't try... he shaved his hair and he liked it... then i was totally confused, and i've decided that i'm gonna go, 5 minutes before the time... we had dinner in a nice restaurant... sushi - and rolls... ummm... and went to the dance... where music didn't annoy me, but was pleasing. cuz i actually noticed that i like different kinds of music... but people were like robots with phony smiles... they were doing same move over and over, over and over - for 3 hours... i thought it was terrible... my girl was trying to make me jeleous, she was smiling though when i was getting mad... lol... and i smiled, said to myself: well if everything is good for her, everything will turn out good for me too... I understood that club idea is really adorable... i'd like to open one... i'd like to have one... and yes there is also something: i learned how to make my hands warm with the power of mind... it's adorable... life goes on, and i lived the moment today and all last week, i'm proud of myself... i almost didn't get in depression, just this moments of weird sadness, that i lived to the fullest too... todays quote: you never know if you don't try...

<3 KO

@музыка: none

@настроение: excited

@темы: Воспоминания, Мысли вслух, Позитив

---

"duh"!

I say this word so many times these days... maybe because everything lost it's taste... no more life, or actually real life, just the pain.... My friend today - i hug her everyday, so that everyone thinks we are a couple - said that we are not going to hug anymore, because of what people say... people don't even know what they say... should it matter? why does everyone care so much about their reputation, it's just another word without the meaning... something that is assumed to have value... this single word causes people to fake, to pretend to be someone they will never be... so, you know what i said to her: Okay... Good luck in your life... I think that i don't need friends who are ashamed of us being friends... I'm honestly tired... today talked to Bree for a few moments, and... she wanted to say something, i felt it, but she couldn't - what holds her from it? she just torchures me, telling about how excited she was, but why all this games? why all this shining cover? where is the love now?why does it have to end up like that, isn't there any other way out from here... maybe there is, but i don't see it today, maybe i won't see it tomorrow, but i will see it soon, because i want to see it... i want to see it... I'll be a loner for a while, again, as always - with friends but betrayed by most of them... and the rest just pretend to be friends... at the same time the REAL friends are far away, and i miss them dearly... duh... i guess i become nothing... duh... i guess this is the end... duh... the game of one story and the begining of anoher one...

<3 KO

@музыка: silence...

@настроение: sleepy

@темы: Вопросы, Мысли вслух, Точка зрения, Чувства

---

sleep is so neccessary

Dear Diary,



I'm so tired, my teachers give me so much homework, that i have to stay up late... have a lack of sleep... so when i finally fall asleep my body feels so relaxed, that when it's time to wake up i just can't do it: either i have an amusing dream or something.... in the night, i cannot sleep, i just realized that i wasn't sleeeping for 2 hours when i went to bed, and was thinking, of what? I don't know, i don't remember... i need to survivr this week and next week will be much easier... i know it will be...



Tomorrow there is going to be WF: i'm not gonna go, probably i wrote that somewhere already, but i want to write it again:

I'm not gonna go to WF

The girl Hits other girls with whom i hug, unfair, and maybe sad, but if she likes me why not just to tell me: Dear Ko, i honestly love you back... What for all this games, aren't you tired of those... why do we do it? it doesn't bring us anywhere - because we are both different, and hoping that one of us will be the same we play the games of normal people...



It's so childish... to do all this stufff... for god's sake we all are just like kids, but we have new toys everytime: a house, a car, money, and family... It's really sad that family becomes a toy... really sad... it will never for me... i need to get some sleep... or the story of fight club can repeat itself in real life. jk...

<3 Ko



Picture: i don't want to see the sun, want just to sleep...

@музыка: nothing

@настроение: i need to get some sleep

@темы: Точка зрения

---

about how sometimes i don't get it and worry

Dear diary,



Today i saw my friends being different, seems like they can't see me, and avoid me... but it's just a matter of time... i know for sure i'm over the girl, yeah, because of same emptiness, and i'm happy that she's happy... she gets angry and i'm woried, if it's about me, but it's not... i hope not... even if it is, the time will change everything... the world doesn't hate people, did i ever said that? hardly... don't think it ever can.... i can say that i'm tired of world, or it's annoying and hateful, but i can't say that the world hates people...



I think that funclub is done for today and tomorrow, I just stopped looking for something and i live on what i feel in the moment - i'm happy, i will be jumping around, sadly - it looks fake, but hey, what can i do, if it's a way of self exprеssion? whatever... i can't concentrate my powers on something unreal, I'd rather be there for something else... I was in love, but i never experienced hate... no, it's a strong world...



It's hard to be lonely, but it's all that i've got, so i should enjoy it, because it really is all that i've got... i mean, lonely, not like without friends, but more like without a lover, different type of love i guess... many people struggle, alone, but they live, nothing happens to them, they just do live... so will i live, so will i move on, and so will i love, but some other day, not today, because there is almost nothing left of today...

<3 KO

@музыка: AFI - LOVE like WINTER

@настроение: sleepy

@темы: Позитив

---

for the moments of judgement...

It was winter, it is winter, and i will be winter for a few more weeks... it's cold in some parts of the world, and rainy in others... it's beautiful... this was the start of discussion... winter brings light to people, somekind of purity, but takes away some care... so we all usually look different in winter than we do in summer... no, we didn't change much, it's just omething we tend to appear like in winter...



to be honest, i still like that girl, i try to forget her, but how can you forget a person who watches you everyday... i ignored her, i didn't talk much... i was walking by not saying a word, and once yesterday we were walking in th crouds towads each other, and her steps were same as my steps and she looked at me, and i looked at her, this second... was one of those when you feel it takes more in time then it actually does... i though she wanted to tell me something... did she? i do not know, it's hard not to judge... because i do it in vain: i find the answers i want to hear, but i seek for thuth, so they may be the biggest lie...

<3 Ko

---

school, and persistence of dreams...

What happened today, let me think: i woke up... and was full of energy... went to school, and suddenly realized: there isn't any one here who's real, who doesn't pretend... 625 faces, 625 lies, 625 fakes, am maybe i am the biggest of all of them... maybe... the girl screams behind my back in happiness, but she doesn't really mean it, and she smiles, but after she turns on the corner, her face becomes dark and sad... why... meaning of life, arrogant people, they wear masks with smiling faces or glasses that would make them look funny... i see how they look in the ground for a moment, trying to come up with some joke... i saw this girl, who's abused at home, she smiles at school though... i don't know why, well, i do - this is what a cheerleader is supposed to do... i saw my girl today, other guy asked her for the dance, but before that i saw her cheering for basketball: scary - she was lost and scared, like a baby dear that just went into the streets of New York city, alone... i felt for her, but was trying to push the idea away... what was i supposed to do, especially when someone else asked her... she said: I am kinda happy - lie, wrong word:

I am kinda happy - these is what you're trying to say, i know it, because you wanted me to ask you, people told me, and i can tell it... i just see it in your eyes, or maybe i just overestimate myself in lie and vain... i thought of words today - those small pieces of information, what are they, most of the time, they are just wind... just... nothing... it's a scary word... but this is what i see in people... nothing good, nothing bad... nothing at all... maybe this is what i want to see... or maybe I am lost, and i'm nothing, and they are everything... i don't know... just know that people become nothing when they stop caring, and ignore each other... and nothing becomes people, when they prefer fake smiles to real ones... they just stop to exist, it's not them, it's just a mask... 624 masks - mine is on the floor.

<3 KO

@музыка: the used - blue and yellow

@настроение: ah, all this lie

@темы: Мысли вслух, Точка зрения

---

night life

i've started living in it, maybe late for a 18 year old guy to start it now, but i did... evenings going out with friends and hang out until 4 am... then come back home and can't open the door for a few moments but when i do, i hear the dog barking - woke up everyone... but it's okay... i just go to my room, and do whatever else and then go to sleep, to wake up around 1 pm in the afternoon...



Why do i do it? i don't know. Do I like it? I don't know... i really don't, i think it's the way for me not to have fun, but to forget the day, to mess it up with the color of night... to forget all my problems, to forget all my consernes... and maybe to forget myself... to be a different person for a while, to be normal... to talk about normal topics, and to have normal problems... Escape, sounds unpatriotic and miserable, but probably this is what i seek for. or maybe i just want to live normal life once in a while, and look into future with different perspectives and views....



The girl still didn't say anything... we don't even talk... i miss talking to her... went online in some chat room... i was depressed, wanted to talk to strangers... and a stranger pulled the story about her out of me, so guess what he said: Girls like when you're rude and act like a jerk... It shows them that you're a man. Do they actually like it though?! there are so many different ways to show to show that you're man, why do they choose this one... and if the person is different and he acts like a jerk, what then... first lie... right... just don't understand it, i really saw it, how they prefer dating jocks from the football team, who often doesn't give a shit... and they just leave the guys who truly(?) loves them... at least who cares for them... most girls will just say that they should be friends and date a jock for reputation, how stupid is that? they will date a jock even if they like this one guy with all their heart... don't understand... why does a queen of the evening has to have a king who's a captain of the football team?! don't know, don't get it, so live night life to discover all of it...

<3 Ko

@музыка: Blue and Yellow - the used

@настроение: just woke up

@темы: Мысли вслух

---

to my CR

I'm happy to have you all here...

<3 KO

---

waking up in the new world

today i woke up at 8 o'clock in the morning, and felt positive... it doesn't happen to me very often... I called my friend yesterday night, and we talked about our glorified plans for future... exciting huh? sorry guys, i'm still am a ROCKSTAR, but i'm also KONSTANTIN SKY, a person you know better... ROCKSTAR is just my job, and KONSTANTIN is my name, this is who i am, i don't belong to anything, and i don't belong to anyone, I'm free to do whatever i want to... right... and i'm still your friend... music will never change me, only i can do it...



I talked about it because few days ago i was talking abou changes, and my friend Thiago, thinks that music changed me... but i'm afraid it's not music, maybe the fact that i came to the US, no it's not it... my psychologist, no... I've changed because i wanted to, so it was my choice... and i try to live in a harmony with my soul... so when i feel emo, probably i'm really hurt... when i feel hyper i must be excited about something... I like living for the moment... but i barely do...



Bt i smile more now, and talk more, and play the bass early in the morning, just to enjoy it, not to complete the course faster, but just to enjoy the sound... i ask my self questions, and i get answers... I'm not a liar, trust me, it's just who i am who doesn't want to play the games that are not fair... like if i promise something i'm not gonna do, and i want to do it, i will break this promise, but if i promised that i will do something for the person, i'll certainly do it... so please if you want me to promise you not to do something, you promise me the same thing first... so it will be fair...



I love my friends, they are awesome... they live their lives, and i'm happy that i'm a part of their lives, and they have a part in my life. i believe in the power of the mind, i really do, i saw how it works... and i believe, that my time comes, i can feel it trembeling near my ear, i can touch it almost, my hands get heavy and full of energy of creation... my eyes are opened wide, and ready to face life, not to fight it, but to accept it the way it is... i hope someone will join me in this free of gravitation jump. but for now we will just sing if we are going under, and sing if something is not enough... i will sing without a reason, and when i fall i will feel better, i will smile, cuz after you fall you can't change anything, and it looks funny... so... yeah... got so excited....

CARPE DIEM - LIVE FOR THE MOMENT

AND GLORIFY THE WORLD WITH ME

DON'T LOOK FOR SOMETHING YOU CANT FIND,

JUST TURN AROUND AND YOU WILL FIND SOMETHING ELSE,

AND IT MIGHT BE EVEN BETTER THAN SOMETHING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR...

@музыка: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING

@настроение: excited

@темы: Позитив, Точка зрения

---

1 Имя: KO

2.Ники:KO, Darkromance

3.День рождения:07-18-88

4.Цвет глаз: hazel+greenish+goldish

5.Цвет волос: now - black

6.Рост: 5'10"

7.Куришь? yes sir

8.Умеешь играть на каком-нибудь музыкальном инструменте? learning

9.Веришь в жизнь на других планетах? yes

10.Помнишь свою первую любовь? yes

11.Все еще любишь её? no

12.Считаешь любовь ошибкой? nope

13.Любишь вкус алкоголя? nope



КОГДА ТЫ В ПОСЛЕДНИЙ РАЗ:



1.Плакал? like 15 days ago or so?

2..Врал? i don't remember

3. Грустил? like 2 days ago

4. Слушал музыку? yesterday

5.Делал что-нибудь полезное? hmmm, fo who?

6.Красил волосы? last saturday

7. Звонил кому-нибудь? yesterday

8.Смеялся? yesterday



У ТЕБЯ ЕСТЬ:



1.Домашние животные? yes

2. Пирсинг- nope

3.Татуировки? not yet

4. Особые интересы? reading, and creating

5.Тайная любовь? nope

6. Коллекция? not anymore

7 Лучший друг? don't believe in best friends, sorry... close friends: ALICE, ALEX

8. Плохие привычки? smoking?

9.Враг? none



В ДАННЫЙ МОМЕНТ:



1.Одежда: t-shirt+shorts and underwear

2. Настроение: indifferent

3. Косметика:not now

4. Музыка: none

5.Что раздражает: robots world based on stereotypes

6. Запах: have 12 of them at the moment

7 Что я должен делать: homework



ТВОЙ ВЫБОР:



1.ICQ или SMS? AIM

2.Июль или январь? July

3. Город или деревня? city

4. Друзья или подруги? both

5. Интернет или реальная жизнь? real life

6 Кошки или собаки? dogs

7. Косметика или её отсутствие? depends

8.Нежно или страстно? hmmm, both?

9. Фильм или прогулка? either one

10. Жарко или холодно? cold

11.Прошлое или будущее? present

12. Чай или кофе? tea

13.Интернет или книжка? both

14.Шум или тишина? silence

15.Длинные волосы или короткие? long

16. Рок или поп? music

17.Шоколад горький или сладкий? sweet

18.Жить или умереть? good one, i don't know

19.Любить или быть влюбленным? both

20. Ночь или день? night

21.Одежда или ее отсутствие? hmmm, presence

22. Боль или страх? fear

23. Шесть или семь? 8

24.Проза или поэзия? both

25. Слава или деньги? the better one would be: death or glory: glory

@музыка: w/e

@настроение: w/e

@темы: Вопросы

---

hookah bar

I've been out with my friends smoking hookah yesterday night... and i still can smell the flavor... to be honest: i smoked too much this time, and my nervous system got stressed: first my left ear stopped hearing sounds, second, my hands were electrolized... and 3rd - i felt dizzy. weird... but my caugh went away. We were playing cards and discussing about life... then we went to Stans house to watch a movie, Fight club. Movie tells to live for the moment, and it's not the best movie about it, but i like it... other than that: was reading diaries, and found this:

YOU WON'T EVER GET WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR

Is it really true? maybe it is, i mean, i want many things dearly, but they don't enter my life, maybe i'm on the wrong bus in this time flow. or maybe i'm walking along it and looking for something that the flow just cannot give me, or doesn't want to give me... should i be less desperate? should i be less sensitive to the signs... should i be someone who doesn't want anything, and gets everything... I try to live the life to the fullest, i do whatever i want to do, or at least try, but nothing happens to me, just like snow never happend in jungles.



i don't have much to ask, nor have much to want, but sometimes i think maybe it's because i don't really NEED it? And people just live, they don't care about some weird stuff, they don't think about death so much, or about spirits and mind power and soul, they just live, they take more from life than i am, but yet less than i do. I take questions, and they take everything else, these creates inbalance. and i feel left out and lonely, because people don't understand me, not because of my accent, but because we speak about different things... I'm talking of being successful as to be able to MAKE all wishes to come true at any time, and they see it as GET all desires to be real, no matter what...



<3 KO

@музыка: We are all to blame - sum 41

@настроение: just woke up

@темы: Вопросы

---

somebody between other somebodies

today girl said: take off your hood, Ko! You're not emo... and it made me mad, not because of the fact that she said the first sentence, i'm agree with it completely, but because of other one: why did she assume i wear my hood because i'm emo, okay, i look emo, a bit, but i'm not, and i don't try to be... does it mean I'm a fake, not really... after this i started to think of who i really am... am i a peron to be used by others, or am i the king of the world, am I a robot, or a dinosawr, am i love, or even am i hate... and i couldn't find the answer, just maybe i'm a human, and all that makes me different from that girl is the fact that i used to love her... bullshit, just an excuse of my role confusion...



I've decided something, i'm gonna smile more, and speak louder, and live for the moment enjoy it every ingle time, cuz if i die tomorrow, and i always worried about what if, i cannot really say that i lived... i wouldn't be able to say anything anyways... heh... just don't know who am i? and what i'm for in this world... gah?!

<3 KO



It's our time to shine,

and every day i just get stronger...

@музыка: A BOX FULL OF SHARP OBJECTS

@настроение: confused

@темы: Вопросы

---

chances

do you believe in giving people many millions of chances... i would say yes, if you really love them, i would really say yes, if i really would love someone... right now i'm confused, no i'm not, i'm just empty, i write lyrics... i write songs, i write music, I create novels, the novels never read again by me... i write poems that would bleed everytime i read them... but what the hell? why am i worried about life and it's meaning, when there is no life left, there is nothing left, just emptiness... and i'm not avoiding Alexandra.







alex: yes you are and it breaking my heart....everything u said turn out to be a big lie. i don't want to go all bitchy on u but damn u get me pissed off when you go into your empty/emop moods...you push eveeyone u care about away...as much as u hate to admit it I TIHNK YOU WANT TO END UP ALONE SO EVERYONE CAN PITY U!!!!!!!!!



Dear readers, do you agree with it?





Alex: yes they should...because it is true.. i'd say you were a jerk except you are so plite and nice!



thank you Alex...





alex: great i end up looking like the bitvchy pocessive lil sis again..which is true but it is only because i care about ou and i don't want to continue to screw up ur luife just like you don't want me to screw mine up....friends till the end? or does that just go for bree?



Me and Bree actually have a bad period now, and i get emo because of it, but more it's like: i need to fill up emptiness and i don't want to use you to do it!





alex: and i don't want you to! every time you got hru ur periods which is more of every sngle day then not, kathy and i have to watch you suffer..we ask what is wrong anfd then u make me look like the enemy and then u shut urself away from everyone who cares about you &hearts;





just post tthis damn thing you don't always hsave to have the last word! be a man about it!

@музыка: no music

@настроение: jumping

@темы: Вопросы

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about broken promises...

Today i was just killed by this person, sucked through the straw, destroyed... because a person i thought was my friend betrayed me for the girl i used to like, stabbed me in my neck, cutting through all my intestine... don't understand why... well today they actually showed me how much they care about me... excuses, i don't want to accept them, because i call them a lie, especially after i was for 30 minutes in cold and rain and they were sitting in the warm car watching me, no, really watching me, they didn't call me, they just saw me leave... and they didn't say good bye, or anything... i saw how people don't care...



Today in the morning talked to Alissa! and was all cheered up. You're my hero, Alissa! but we talk abot shit too much i guess... lol...



I just relized that i can't even kill myself, it's immoral... if i do, many people will get hurt, many people, so i

ve decided that i won't commint suicide... i don't care about many people, but i think that some deserve to live, maybe it's just me who doesn't deserve a normal life?!



just tell me, if i actually deserve something good to happen to me... why just crap, why just disappointment, why just pain, why just sorrow... and why just life?

<3 KO

@музыка: no music

@настроение: ?

@темы: Мысли вслух

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my new haircolor

thought today, it's time to change a little bit, so i went to change my hair color... i dunno, i think it looks sharp, people say it's prettier, but i still look cute... i like being a cutie though... gah... what importance we give to looks, all this stores, malls, we walk around, just for the evening and we dress up... we don't have a guarantee but we want to look pretty just in face, and sometimes taking different clothers, we become different people, we lose this part of our I... our noun ending... -ness... where is our nessness? i wonder... i saw guys treating girls like a trouphy, like shit today, and girls are okay with that, do they want to be known as sluts and bitches, i don't think so, but i think that they just don't see the way, the way to exist just as a person, that is free to do whatever she wants... I've been smiling today, and it's really good...



yesterday - went out with Stanley, Lazarus and Kerry to the hookah bar, great time, until we took Kerry home, where her host parents locked the door, i don't know what's going to happen to her... but i hope nothing serious... we talked about stuff, normal stuff, about stuff we were concerned about... seemes like 4 strangers sharing hidden thoughts, oppinions and desires... blowing the white smoke from the edge of our lips.



picture: this is new look!

<3 KO

@музыка: Fellini

@настроение: nice

@темы: Воспоминания